Do you finally feel comfortable?
Yet not satisfied.
You might be wondering, when you finally feel comfortable at something (work, play, life), why are you not as satisfied as you expected?
Our comfort zones. They are so cozy. So reassuring. So stable. Until they’re not. Until our insistence on staying in our comfort zone, usually so well meaning, actually leads to a narrowing of our life to such an extent that we feel “trapped” or “stuck” versus comfortable and good.
When you look at it, it does make sense. Imagine if you rocked 8th grade. And it felt so good and so familiar that you decided to stay in there. You keep taking 8th grade again and again. You know the terrain, you are comfortable and competent with the subject matter, you know your way around. It’s safe. It feels good. ...For a while.
From our perspective now this sounds crazy. Of course we wouldn’t stay in 8th grade just because we rocked it. But, in a way, this is what we do in our adult lives when we choose to stay in our comfort zone for too long. Stay in the familiar job you’re good at but you don’t really enjoy, the workout you’ve been doing for years and are bored with but finding something new is too much work, the hairstyle you’ve had for years and is known and works. There are so many places we can choose comfort over expansion.
And here’s the thing, comfort is WONDERFUL. And if it’s feeling wonderful, embrace it. Enjoy it! I’m talking about the kind of comfort, that doesn’t feel good anymore. The places we don’t necessarily want to look at yet. And the opportunity that that really represents for us. When we’re ready.
I see it a lot that clients aspire to a life very different than the one they are living, and see getting to the life they envision as a single big huge risky step: tear off the band-aid, and step out of their current life into their new one. This feels daunting. It is daunting.
Though there are times in our lives we experience taking huge steps like this, more often than not expanding our lives is really about one single tiny step or choice at a time. And it’s hugely powerful to do it this way. A lot of our single “small steps” take a lot of courage. It’s part of why it’s important to allow yourself the grace of one step at a time. To support your change feeling manageable and doable to you.
Comfort, it’s important. There is a blessing in the ease that can come with it. But if all you felt was comfortable, all the time, my bet is you’d get bored. Somewhere inside you is yearning for something that you can’t grasp quite yet.
So let’s talk about discomfort. Being uncomfortable, on the surface, not a super fun idea. Most of us don’t run towards things that make us uncomfortable. Though I do think most of us do push ourselves to do things that are uncomfortable at different points in our lives.
And what if we could view that discomfort as normal? As a call for our attention? Something to look at, not a threat. It’s a bit like the shoebox I mentioned in an earlier blog. You know, the one that you thought was a monster under the bed, until you shone a light on it and saw the shoebox. If you look deeper, the things we do that are uncomfortable at first, usually lead to an expansion in our life.
Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to gently explore what is calling you. Allow for change to happen one small step at a time. There can be areas of comfort as you’re navigating your discomfort.
I feel so passionately about not letting your day today be about “just going through the motions”. And at the same time I have so much compassion for the courage it takes to begin to look at the parts of your comfortable life that don’t feel comfortable or good anymore. My whole practice is about helping people gently and honestly figure out what it is that is calling them in their life. Helping them navigate this change. If you’d like help figuring this out, set up a free mini session with me. I’d love to help you find your calling.