How often do you hear yourself say “I don’t know,” either out loud or in your head? Really often, right? But you might reconsider this phrase, because it stops you from accessing the wisdom you have within. When I heard the concept that we all have the answers within us, I felt a little annoyed 😠. Initially I thought, if I had all the answers then I wouldn’t be saying, “I don’t know in the first place and life would be so much easier. It’s not that having the answer = easier, but it does = you having a pretty darn good chance at making your dreams a reality.
Without the confusion, you can bask in the sunshine of clarity and not the clouds and thunderous storms of angst. Have you noticed how it’s so much easier to have all the right answers for everyone else, your best friend, your partner, and even your family? So why's it so hard to do the same for yourself? Because confusion, the kind we’ve been indulging in for a long time, gets you stuck in a labyrinth of "I don’t know’s,” with no end goal in sight.
Are you like Cyndi said, in the 80’s song, Time after time, “caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new?” If so, let’s have you stop that, it’s a dream robber and it feels like total garbage when this is your MO.
I am about to start one of the goals that I've had for 2018…. drumroll please… A podcast! 💃
Truth be told, I feel like I need to throw up 🤢 a just a little bit when I think about it. I feel both exhilarated and scared 💩 less.
And this is a good thing! Why? Because I know my goal is big enough and I’m on the right track when it makes me feel a little sick. What goal do you have that when you think of it makes you want to hurl or go to bed and hide under the covers for 2 weeks?
I don’t have a lot of rules when I coach, but I do have one, and I mean business. My clients aren’t allowed to say, "I don’t know," under any circumstance.
I have this same standard for my life, but I still catch myself saying it. Even worse, thinking it. My mind gets tricky about it. It wants to change “I don’t know” to a prettier more sophisticated version, “I’m confused.” Which really is just as bad to say to yourself when what you really want is to find the answers.
There's nowhere to go from “I don’t know.”
When you tell yourself “I don’t know,” you get stuck in a holding pattern. Think about it for a second. What are the things you're telling yourself you don’t know about? Give me a list of at least 3 things. Do you feel super stuck in regard to these areas of your life? I’ll guess that you do.
The problem with "I don’t know,” and it’s prettier counterpart, “I’m confused," is that it shuts you off from having access to the answer. It’s a dead-end or worse a loooong loop, like around a high school track course where you feel the need to pretend "as if" you like long-distance running when you're dying inside in 100-degree weather, and naturally prefer a good sprint, or let's get real, just to lay in the shade under a big oak tree. Ahhhhh...
So what if you actually DID know? What would the answer be? Pretend to know if you have to.
This question and pretending “as if” you knew the answer opens up the neuropathways in your mind to access the answer. Ask yourself this question daily with anything that you're confused about. As you know I’m a recovering busyaholic. I know all too well that when you put too much on your plate you get distracted and confused with too many options, which means more decisions to make and more often times this leads to even more confusion, overwhelm and stall-out. This can go on for weeks, months, and years even. It’s so frustrating and painful to be stuck in a state of confusion.
But the real reason you feel any of this isn’t because of how much is on your plate, but how much you’re thinking about how much is on your plate.
And if you stick, “I don’t know” up in the mix it creates a traffic jam of sorts in your mind that slows you down big time. Don’t even talk to me about the angst and anxiety that comes with feeling like you don’t know what the next best move is for you, OR that sneaking suspicion that there’s such a thing as the “right decision” that is you wait 15 years will magically be revealed to you. This is all the kind of mind-chatter that causes cortisol levels to hit the roof and robs you of your deepest desires. Confusion is not so innocent after all.
You gotta get in the habit of asking yourself some good questions to trick the mind out of confusion. Like, “What are the next 3 steps I can take to get more clarity about this?”
This'll help move you forward to who you are becoming. But your first "best step" is to never allow, “I don’t know,” or “I’m confused” in your vocabulary again. I mean it, give it a try.
I just went through a bought of this “I don’t know B.S.,” pretty hardcore this week. Somehow, I was questioning my niche and my message. Thinking, "I must know exactly who I'm talking to in order to have a successful podcast." I got stuck in thinking, “I don’t know,” it needs to be more specific. So I did what any good coach would do, I got some good coaching. Thanks, Anne 😊! I struggled with not saying “I don’t know,” and being held captive to the confusion that was plaguing my mind. Even though I was able to clearly articulate what my niche and message were to Anne. So, I actually knew the answer, but my mind was still stuck thinking, “I don’t know.” It’s so interesting how the mind works.
I even got off that call feeling confused and unsure. What huh? My mind didn’t want to let go of this indulgence in confusion.
So, I decided to let the dust settle, and not engage in thinking the “I don’t know my niche B.S.” I was onto myself. I witnessed my mind linger between "I don’t know,” and “Oh yes you do woman, and stop allowing your mind to trick you with that poisonous thought!” I wavered, I was tempted to run out and hire a special branding coach. This is the kind of thing a busyaholic does in confusion. “I need my fix, my solution,” my brain screamed. I allowed the thoughts and just observed them with curiosity. I didn't act on them but, "I can’t figure this out so I have to ask everyone I know what they think,” came up a lot. Usually, when a busy woman does this in search of the answers she just causes more confusion, more options, more decisions, and more delayed dreams. You want to shout “stop the madness” you feel as the mind-chatters away and the overwhelm curls up with it's wubby on your plush pink sofa.
A wubby’s just a story that we get really comfy with and have a hard time letting go of like a ragged old baby’s blanket you carry around as a grown woman. It ain’t pretty my friends.
But no one knows better than you, what the answers are.
Don’t get me wrong, it helps to get you some good for the soul professional guidance at times, but first try and take a look at it on your own without this “I don’t know thought,” wreaking havoc. You’ll see that things naturally become more clear. But if you get stuck you know what to do mama, ask for help.
So, I sat with the feelings and let the dust settle a little more from my coaching session a few days earlier. And clarity came. Last night I caught up with one of my Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET) mentors back in Los Angeles. I was giving her the lowdown on my life in France at the moment, and the deep dive I’ve been doing to change the programming and patterning of my thoughts to become, “who I really am again" at the soul-level under all the socialization and life experiences. I heard myself start to tell her that I wasn't sure about my niche and then I remembered that I'd come up with something in my coaching session with Anne. What was it?
I couldn’t even remember what it was because of all my confused indulgent thoughts in that session.
After a night of coaching clients in my home office, I searched my desk for my notes and read her what I'd identified. I had goosebumps… as I realized I’d known it all along. This is what’s in my heart. You are the exact woman I help and want to help. Busy women who want to find more time, love, and money. It’s funny how we can be confused about something we already decided on long ago or something that's been thumping in our hearts for a long time. So now I've let myself relax. Even though I could've all along.
What's the one thing you feel confused about that you may have the answers to within you right at this very moment, just waiting for you to stop saying, “I don’t know?” If you did know the answer what would it be? If you pretended to know the answer what would it be? If you knew the next three steps to take to get closer to figuring out the answer what would they be? Marinate on that this weekend. And let me know what you come up with.
Get me on the phone for a mini consultation session if need be sister, don't delay your dreams. It's not your fault by the way, it's how our minds operate. But trust me, it’s all waiting inside. I walk the talk and I have no doubt. Some times we just have to press the pause button for a moment, get quiet and listen, or set up a coaching session, or get some NET, or connect with nature, in order to dialogue with our highest Self. You’ve got this one! And I’ve always got your back and mine too. Ciao Bella. XO