Why is self-appreciation so important?
Well, in short do you want to feel irresistible about your life? Do you want to have big dreams, go for them and make them happen, do you want people in your life that truly see and appreciate you?
Ok, my friend this is where we have to start. Self-appreciation is the secret sauce to your delicious joyful life you deserve. It’s completely at your finger tips.
Like I tell my clients if you are 100% committed to this work, you'll make whatever you're committed to happen in your life. And you will get there without burning yourself out and feeling unhappy if you allow yourself some fierce self-appreciation.
In all of my years in working with clients one thing they all suffer from is a lack of self-appreciation in some way shape or form. It’s nothing to be ashamed about but it's something to be aware of.
If you insist you are worthy you will attract people and situations that affirm that, but if you insist you are unworthy you will inevitably attract people who agree with you.
You are 100% lovable just the way you are, it's your birthright. If you haven’t heard of this concept go back and read my blog on it. Consider adopting this concept in your life. It feels amazing when you do.
So self-appreciation is so key. It highly effects your life, your work and your relationships. And the good news is that you can start working on this immediately and I promise you'll see how things in your life start to flow better, how you start meeting and connecting with people that really value you, how you get work that you really love, how you just feel better everyday.
You might be saying. No I don’t beat myself up, I’m pretty confident…
And maybe you are. But what I often find is even if you have some confidence in some areas, there are hidden places where your self-talk and self-care are not so loving. Most of the women and men I work with are high achievers, and over-doer’s so they accomplish a lot, do a lot, and often take really good care of others. But accomplishments and being able to do a lot can be empty if you don’t have true self-acceptance.
Tune into mental dialogue. What are you saying to yourself. Not maybe the top layer of thoughts but the background noise thoughts, that want to say cruel stuff… back off mind! I always suggest that my clients name their negative voice… and when they start to notice it they say something like, “ok, Natasha I hear you, but back off.”
I don’t want you to judge yourself for judging yourself please. This only makes things worse. Just come to this work with openness, curiosity, non-judgmental witnessing of your mind. You can even remind yourself, that usually that critical voice is actually in place to “protect you,” to "motivate you,” but it’s actually a THOUGHT ERROR, because mean talk never truly motivates you, not in the long run at least. I like to think of it as just the way your brain has been designed, because it’s true and it helps you to separate from the thought, “what the hell is wrong with me?,” when you realize all of the negative self-talk you have.
For instance, you needed to be on alert for what you could be doing wrong so that you wouldn’t be eaten by a sabertooth tiger, back in the cave days. Truly are brains haven’t evolved so much since that time, and that's how our fight or flight response is trying to protect us.
But back in the cave days you wouldn’t be worried that if your appearance wasn’t just perfect, and you didn’t have a million degrees and certifications, or a life-time of accomplishments that you would die because a sabertooth tiger was going to eat you right? But in essence that's what our brains are now telling us in the 21st century. If it’s not a tiger, who is it you're so afraid of… usually it’s our own judgement that we download from experiences we encountered growing up.
So please please be kind with yourself when you start this work of self-acceptance, ok? Make me and yourself that promise.
Ask yourself these questions to help start to uncover what you're affirming about yourself on a daily basis:
- Are you in the habit of minimizing your accomplishments?
- Do you speak to yourself with kindness, or do you hear a cruel voice more regularly, like a drill sergeant type attitude?
- Recognize... what is the content of your mental dialogue? Without judgement!
- Do you self-deprecate to make others feel better, not seem conceited or beat them to the punch?
- How do you respond when someone:
~asks you how you are?
~thanks you for something?
- Would you talk to a stranger, or a 5 year old, the way you talk to yourself?
Good luck. Be gentle. This is excavating work. Don’t miss next week, because I want to teach you how to start affirming yourself with self-appreciation.
Next week I am going to talk to you about how you can start to do the work of appreciating yourself, but first we need to do the down-and-dirty work of identify what we are affirming in ourselves that we don't want and that takes a lot of courage and compassion, ok?
Courage and compassion. I invite you to do this work for a week, just start to be the observer of your mind and what it's doing.
We have to know what we are thinking before we can change it. Remember, our thoughts are optional.
If you find that this is rampant in your life I encourage you to work with a professional because it can be hard to re-program your mind, but it is totally possible. 100%.