You don’t have to experience repeating realities! Do not settle for that…ever!
Our mind's an interesting thing. When we are young our minds are in a completely different brainwave state than when we are adults.
So until about the age of 8 years old, we download all the experiences in life and this helps to shape our personality and understand all the magnitude of life's stimuli that comes our way. If our minds didn’t work like this we would be like infants all of our lives, literally seeing things for the first time ALL the time. As you can imagine we wouldn't be able to function as adults. This doesn't mean our minds are set in stone 💎 because of our previous programming.
But if you are not aware of this phenomenon you might repeat realities from the past and be stuck in a victim mentality unknowingly by unhealthily blaming your parents or your current partner or even friendships for “triggering you,” to respond in whatever way you are conditioned to.
Honestly I know what that life's like and it's a personal prison with a life sentence if you don't know how to change it, and you might not. This isn't a subject that's discussed at dinner parties, ok well maybe mine. I promise they are never boring! Lol...
Anyways I digress, these quote unquote "triggers" may or may not have anything to do with the current person or situation before you today.
In repeating realities you may be grieving over a current situation that is very similar to how you felt growing up - because as I was saying that is how your brain knows how to process the disappointment.
By the way, this can be with positive things in life and not just negative. Isn’t the brain fascinating? But as you can see it's a live wire if we don’t learn how to direct it. The best way I know how you can learn these skills is through therapy and coaching.
Unfortunately no one pulls you aside in high schools and says, "Hey let me explain to you how to mange your mind!" Ha! I would have jumped for joy, as I'm sure many of you in my tribe would've too!
I know a lot of people who think therapy is all about blaming your parents. But that isn’t true. A good therapist will help you understand how your mind ran away with your experiences so that you can become empowered to think, feel and act differently then your programming If you so choose.
Is it Fringe & Quack OR in-the-know... That's what being-afraid-of-the-unfamiliar will make you think.
Coaches don’t focus on the past so much --so a lot of time they have a bias against therapy. Which I believe sends the wrong message to people who could be helped greatly by therapy (and could benefit from both modalities in many cases).
I know both are important and YET very different, but each 100% invaluable. In a perfect world everyone would have a therapist and a coach... It could likely be the difference between having a life that you understand and direct versus staying stuck for years and maybe even your whole life because someone said that you'd be nuts to go to a therapist because you only need that if you're crazy (I have to laugh because it's such a lie).
I also hear people say that life coaching is total B.S. – too new agey and fringe (and I don't mean the British word for bangs, I mean the people on the outskirts of normalcy). I mean the people who are in the know how but get labeled as quacks. So if you want to work with a coach (then maybe you are a quack too! But really?)! Wow, how our lizard brains are conditioned to be afraid of the unknown until you try!
See for yourself. Don’t listen to what everyone else says, they're not always right.
If you've thought about therapy or coaching what are you waiting for? Don’t hold yourself back because of some crazy bias!
That kind of thinking will absolutely get you stuck in repeating the conditioning you grew up with instead of being your own independent thinker regardless of your early influencers or first teachers.
Big question to ask yourself:
"If I sought out help in understanding and managing my mind how would my life and my relationship be different in a year from now?"
On one of my mini session calls last week when I asked my potential client this question she said, "I might be in a relationship with the man I want to marry!" Hot diggity dog! 🐶 I love when clients can pinpoint how things would be different if they just took a chance on themselves in this way! It's so motivating to be clear about what you want and go for it with some tried and true mindset and life skills.
Lets look at some scenarios:
Your boss yells at you and you feel yourself fly into a rage, smoke coming out of your nose and you're ready to ram him like a raging bull, "Whoah... we're did that come from?"
The new guy your dating suddenly forgets to text you for 2 days for reason unbeknownst to you. You fly into a panic obsessing over all of the little things you could have done to cause this, "your friends say you're too much too fast just slow down," and you feel even more deflated and question "Am I really to much?"
Your husband ignores your wishes and you go bizerk on the inside, you hear the loud sirens going off that tell you an atomic bomb will soon be launched in your kitchen. Yet you don't say anything. You stuff those feeling and you meekly try and get his attention and finally feel exhausted and pathetic when he doesn't.
You're hyper-vigilant because you are convinced it will keep you safe, but deep down you know it's an over reaction and that by the end of each day you feel drained by drakula and ready to collapse into bed dreading doing it all over again and wondering why this is because your life is pretty amazing.
And lastly, your best friend let's you down and the thought crosses your mind to completely cut her out of your life even though you want this no more than you want bed bugs from an airplane seat on your way to Paris 🐜 ...
Ok so you get the idea.
So the first and most simple thing you can do RIGHT NOW when you look up and realize… sh**t! I am repeating the same patterns….
Think about 3 situations when you felt "triggered" like some of the examples above. Ask yourself the following clarifying questions regarding those 3 situations and for anytime in the future when you get "Triggered:"
1. Who does this person remind me of?
2. Where have I felt like this before?
3. Why is this dynamic familiar to me?
You might be surprised to realize that some of the dynamics you are playing out are similar to the ones you had with a parent, a sibling, your parents had together, etc.
This will help you understand how your programming has and still could be influencing you. It’s totally normal so please don’t beat up on yourself if you are experiencing this in your life. It’s a good thing that it has come to your attention because without it you can’t change it. And some people never even realize they are repeating realities and live this out until they die, so no worries mama. You are on the right path.
Now, if you are experiencing this and you are ready to LIVE YOUR OWN TRUTH AND REALITY and not just live out your programming, I am your woman.
The cool thing is not only am I a therapist so I understand where all of this is coming from and why, but I'm also a kick-ass coach 😇 with kick-ass clients (!) and I'd be honored to help you rock out these issues and live your life according to YOUR own purpose.
You've got this one life right now, what're you gonna do with it? You can do anything with it actually!
Take a chance and invest in yourself in some way, if not with me in some other way that will help you understand your mind and your life and get in the driver’s seat of you brain.
I know I can help, so you can count on me. Schedule a mini session and I’ll give you some tools you can use that same day to start directing your life on your own path to well-being and happiness.
When I learned this work I believed I had found the secrets to the universe and I still believe this to be true. It’s such an easy concept to change your thoughts and you'll change your life for the better for good, but how?
That's what I teach you when we work together. Exactly how this stuff works. It takes practice, and seems completely elusive. But it’s not. Just be willing to commit and invest time and energy in you. You totally deserve your own attention!
Sending you so much love and self-acceptance on your journey.