So why am I lucky in love and business?
Because I focus on how I’m lucky in both of these areas of my life. I know it’s true that what I put my focus and attention on will grow. A few weeks ago I wrote to you about the abundance versus scarcity mindset. Focusing on your abundance (all the amazing things you have in your life), verses scarcity (all the things you don’t have in your life) will bring more of what you DO WANT in life.
Life is about contrast
About 50 % of the time you'll experience negative emotions and about 50% of the time you’ll experience positive emotions. But in addition to this you always have a choice in the way you look at the things that happen in your life. For instance you can look back at the “story” you tell of your life. Many times we want to tell the negative version of the story. Even if 99 % of people would agree with you, there is always a way this experience has helped you become the amazing person you are today. It’s a good idea to ask yourself how “such and such” experience was the exact thing that was supposed to happen to get you to where and who you are today.
Two sides of the same coin theory
For each “negative” experience you can choose to focus on what was “perfect” and "right" about it and how it made you the strong woman you are today. This is not about thinking positive 24/7. This is about being just as realistic about the good as it is the bad. In other words the contrast.
For example, I have a client who wants very much so to be in a relationship and have a child. She feels that time is running out and is fearful that maybe “it” will never happen for her.
Worrying is like praying for something you don't want
Let's this client of mine Margo. She was upset because at 37 years old she'd not met "the man of her dreams" and she desperately wanted to have a family. She was very worried about it being "too late." She was also focused on how she was "unlucky in love," and how other people who already found love were "the lucky ones," even when she had evidence that they were not all happy. She also was feeling confused about the the next steps in her business, which added an extra layer of angst.
So I asked her how she'd been ALREADY been lucky in love and business so far in her life?
At first her mind was confused by this and she wanted to tell me her "story" about how love hadn't worked out for her. "You mean, yet," I said. I challenged her to rethink all of this old story.
Had she wanted to marry anyone she'd been with so far and have a family with that person? The ultimate answers, after a lot of thinking it through was a resounding "no."
"And so then tell me how you ARE actually ALREADY lucky in love?"
I knew she could find someone she adores and have a child with him and do so as quickly as possible... if she believed this to be true!!! AND in addition, stopped focusing on how she was so "unlucky in love."
She started to understand and her mind opened up to how she'd had the perfect experiences so far and how they'd made her the strong capable woman she is today.
So she decided to change her story-- she was lucky because she didn't married someone she didn't feel was right for her or decide on artificial insemination. Not that any of that would have been necessarily a wrong choice (because there's no such a thing), but because it's not what she truly wanted. She began to see that not meeting someone YET, allowed her to travel the world, grow a successful international business, and REALLY live her life fully and grow and evolve into the best version of herself. All of this in service of herself and to become the most amazing partner to her "person" and mother to her child while already running a successful and established business. 🌈 Bonus.
She realized that if this dream had happened earlier she may be stuck at home without a career, without sowing wild oats, without evolving into the woman she is today who is now 100% ready for this new phase of life. And because she wanted these experiences too this was an important piece of her story she was totally disregarding.
You see when she focused on how she was lucky in love and business so far she could see how she was exactly where she was supposed to be.
And now she just had to drop the fear she had about finding her person and creating the family she desired. I explained, "You need to believe that something that hasn't happened yet is totally and completely possible for you. It's the other side of the coin.
We humans have a hard time imagining that what hasn't happened for us yet is possible.
This is just a lie your primitive brain tells you to keep you safe and stuck in the cave. But it's never the truth unless you believe it and 🏃 with it...
How do you want to feel in the pursuit of your husband and family to come?"
"Excited," she exclaimed.
So I asked, "Ok so what do you have to believe to create the feeling of excitement?"
Margo said, "I'd believe that in the next year I'll find an amazing man and soon we will be married and happily expecting a child."
I said, 'Ok, awesome." You see how that's just as much a possibility as the other side of the coin ladies and gentlemen if you are reading this?
When you practice believing something that doesn't feel true yet, together in the coaching process we have to uncover all the fearful thoughts that conflict and see how they're keeping you from getting the outcome you desire. See her unintentional model:
Circumstance: single 🤷♀️, no child 👶
Thought: I'm running out of time to find a man I love and have a child
Feeling: scarcity, fear, worry
Actions: try and make things work with someone that doesn't want the same things and waste time, worry a lot, engage in mind chatter, indulge in confusion, don't date much, less self-care, emotional eating, talk a lot about fears (this is like praying for what you don't want).
Result: Still haven't found my person, still single without a child and "scared 💩 less" with less confidence than before (do you see how this can become a vicious cycle with all these actions that ingrain this thought and associated feelings?) Total bummer. But totally how the human mind tends to work.
Don't do this to yourself and if you are stuck here please call me, I will help you!
Here's the fun part, you get to become a method actress!
After getting out and working through the thoughts that are in contrast to your goal, you live your life from the place that what you want has already happened.
You're a wife deeply in love with your husband. You have a child. You ask yourself:
How does this woman who is you: think, feel and behave everyday? It's like becoming a method actor. You know the ones that throughout the filming of the movie stay in character even when they aren't working? This is exactly what what you do.
Thinking about your life abundantly like this attracts luck to you like nobody's business!
Why? Because living from this place makes you electric, you're like a magnet drawing what it is you want to you like crazy. Have you ever tried this? It works. Though usually we do the opposite. We worry and by accident pray for something you don't want because we don't realize that is what we are doing.
When you become your future self and live from that place of abundance to create the results you truly desire you become lucky in love and business. This isn't magic, or like how the "Secret" talks about the law of attraction. This actually requires you to take massive action.
What does it mean to take massive action?
Taking massive action means you take action on your goal until you get the result you want. You take action from the feeling place you want to have, from a place of excitement. You'll see it's a totally different experience when you take action from a positive emotion that you generate from your thoughts vs. from unintentional thoughts that generate fear and worry.
My suggestion was that Margo go on 100 dates until she found her "person."
This is what her intentional thought model looked like:
Circumstance: single 👸, no child 👶
Thought: It's absolutely possible to find "my person" this year and be planning for a child soon after!
Feeling: excited, motivated, energetic
Actions: Go on 100 dates in 8 months, when meeting someone that doesn't have the same desires or isn't a match move on after the first date, don't waste time, don't try and change the person to be who I want - see what's presented as fact, keep spirits high with self-care and working on believing the thought in this model, when self-doubt or discouragement come up do an unintentional and intentional thought model, communicate clearly, take massive action until I find the "one."
Result: Find the love of my life and have a family
You don't try and make someone be the person you are looking for... You actually find the one you want, the one in which you've already been acting as if you've been his wife.
Ok, this may sound a little crazy to you. But it works.
You will know when you find him. He wants the same things as you. It's a beautiful thing.
Here's Margo's future model that she going to live from during this process:
Circumstance: happily married with a child 👨 👩 👧
Thought: I am so lucky 🍀 and I'm in such gratitude for my family and my amazing life!
Feeling: lucky, abundant, grateful, loving & loved
Actions: take excellent care of myself and my family, deeply love and respect my husband, we have so much fun together, I spend quality time with my child, I enjoy traveling with my husband and young child, co-parent with my husband in a beautiful way, hire a nanny so that I can do the work in my business that I love, I continue to get coached if needed, practice the self-coaching model everyday to keep me on my toes for all my beloved responsibilities
Results: I am so lucky 🍀 and I'm in gratitude for my family and my amazing life (do you see that the results confirms the thought in the model?).
NOTE: This isn't about perfection. This model doesn't mean that Margo believes that things will always be 🌈's & 🦋's ok? It means that she's so intently focused on what she wants that she gets it. Don't forget the 50/50 rule.
Ok darlings your homework:
1. Everyday keep a journal of what it is that makes you so lucky in love and business (or whatever your thing is). It can also be more generally speaking.
2. Write out how you've already been lucky in life and how even the so called, "bad" circumstances have been exactly what you needed. Other side of the coin theory again.
3. Do your thought models: current unintentional model, the model you want to believe in with massive action, as it's already happened, "future self model."
4. Live from your future self, like a method actor who has created the good fortune 🔮 she desires. Think, feel and act in the ways you will when you have already reached your goal.
5. Get excited about magnetizing your dreams straight to you! Yahoo!
6. Coach yourself and do your thought work on the daily! You cannot skip this part.
7. Get coaching if you're stuck because everything I wrote here today is totally possible for you and for anyone! It's as good as done. All you have to do is learn and do the work of managing you mind.
If I told you I had the secrets to solve your "get your lucky in love and business blocks," which I do, why would you NOT call me for a mini session? I know it can be scary, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
To your dreams!