Money Series Lesson 8: How to have the money you want

Most of us don’t know how to “have money.” 

We all have a money blueprint that comes from our thoughts about money which all stem from our socialization and upbringing. 

What I want for you is to raise your level of consciousness around money. Which just means that you are aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions regarding money. Rather than unconsciously living out your relationship with money based on prior programming that you aren’t even fully aware of. 

Keep in mind as you read this that the only reason you ever want anything is because of how you think it'll make you feel. 

Money's neutral. It will not make you feel good or bad- it’s actually your thoughts about money that’ll do that.

Thoughts are always optional regardless of how much money you “have.” It can be a little, a lot, or somewhere in between. Our actions of “having, spending or investing money,” are always fueled by how we feel. 

So your thought model looks like this: 

Circumstances are neutral— In this case the amount of wealth you have or don’t have is neutral. 

Thoughts are just sentences in your mind— Your thoughts about your money circumstance are what cause your feelings about money. 

Feelings are triggered by your thoughts— Your feelings about money are what drive your actions.

Actions— You take action or no action based on how you feel. The actions you take regarding your thoughts about money are what will determine the results you have. In this case your ability to “have” money.

Results- always correspond to what you're thinking. You'll collect evidence for your thoughts by getting results that prove your thoughts true. This can be tricky if you are unaware that your beliefs are faulty. If you have negative beliefs about money, you probably will not have the results you want in this area of your life. 
If you know that money is neutral. You know you don’t need it to feel abundant. But a feeling of abundance is what makes the action of “having” money attainable. 

So, if you don’t need money, why even talk about “having money? 

First of all, because it’s your birthright. The ability to BE wealthy, is important because of who you become in the process of attaining wealth.

So in thinking about wealth, I want you to think about it as more than just your ability to be financially sovereign. Let’s just say you have to become the best version of yourself to be and stay wealthy. It can be a struggle to be the best version of yourself— mainly because of the way our human brains are wired---to avoid pain (any kind of growth), seek pleasure (short-term- meaning watching Netflix is a lot easier than taking small baby steps that'll create wealth) and exert as little energy as possible (it’s so much easier to do what’s familiar because it requires less brain juice). 

Another reason why it’s important to BE wealthy is because it solves most surface layer problems and creates more time to do what really matters in life. 

It may not solve all problems, but it sure does solve a lot. This is a good thing, not a bad thing. If you just read that and had a flinch of-- “this woman is talking about how money solves most problems, that's so shallow,” kinda self-talk or something similar-- you gotta take a deeper look at your beliefs about money. 

My goal in teaching this series, is to help you heal your relationship with money. In order to create more of it, more time, more love, more joy and abundance in all forms. Why not?

If you answered that question with opposition, we’ve just hit upon one of your negative money beliefs stemming from your money blueprint. If you take a look at your money beliefs and you like em and the way they make you feel and the current results you're getting then keep um. But if you're being honest with yourself, you’ll see that negative, non-examined beliefs about money feel bad and do nothing to contribute to the world. Embodying wealth on the other hand does. Let me share with you how. 

What does it mean to you to have something you want vs. not having what you want? 

Some examples that come up a lot with in my coaching practice are— wanting a life partner, wanting children, wanting to have a successful career, wanting to make more money, and wanting to lose weight and keep it off. 

Now think about something that you've wanted and what it meant to you to have it when you "didn't yet have it yet” vs., what it meant to you once you “had” it.

This is so interesting because when you don’t have something your want— the relationship, the family, the wealth, the success, or the ideal weight and health— that felt super scarce right? Scarcity makes it seem like you'll never get there, could never have it, or it's just so unattainable. That's how we feel when we do not have wealth right? Right. 

Now, I want you to think about how you feel when you got that thing that you wanted.

So often what I see happen is not that you automatically feel abundant and wonderful that you “have,” that thing that you wanted. Instead what I see 99% of the time, is that when you get what you want and you “have it" so to speak, you don’t feel abundant.

You still feel a lot of scarcity, but instead of it being scarcity around wanting it —it morphs into scarcity around 1) losing it  2) it not being good enough, and 3) feeling guilty in the having of it because of faulty thinking. What a bummer. This is all so unnecessary.

I want you to “have” what it is you want, and feel amazing about it.

You need to feel amazing about it in order not to sabotage what it is that you wanted so badly in the first place. This is true with all of the examples that I gave-- relationships, career and money, and weight loss, but it’s  particularly the case and very obviously so,  when it comes to money. Why is that?

Most of us have never been taught how to “HAVE” anything from a place of true abundance.

So that’s my wish. I want to teach you how to have money (or whatever else it is you want) from a place of abundance. This is one of the most important things I can teach you and this’ll change your life completely. 
All you need to do is raise your awareness. You need to know what you’re thinking and feeling about” having" money. Choose what thoughts feel more expansive and practice those instead of what feels restrictive. In addition, you’ll need to practice what it's like “having" money before you spend or invest it. So many of you don’t know what it’s like to have money because you spend it just as quickly as you earn it.

You know the saying, misery loves company? Well it’s kinda like that with money.

Do you go around saying that you love money? Do you go around saying that you love your partner, you love that you’ve lost weight and are now at your ideal weight? Probably not. And most likely it has to do with guilt. It’s a common thing to complain about. So to be the black sheep and love money might feel strange. But I can assure you it’s in your best interest and others too. Do you know anyone in your life who you love and respects that claims to love money? That would be an amazing example for you to witness. Someone money positive. So if you don’t have any examples of this, I invite you to go out and be the example for others to have a positive idea of money love.

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I want you to love money. I want you to shout from the rooftops about how much you love money. 

Did that make you cringe, well good! What were you thinking? Hmmm, interesting. Is that thought serving you? Yep, didn’t think so. Let’s get working on those money beliefs. 

"Having" money is different than making, spending or investing money. 

Would you prefer--- to “spend" 500 dollars or “have" 500 dollars? Most of us think about money in terms of what it can buy us. We usually don’t think about the value of having wealth. And I'm not talking about hoarding money and being afraid to spend it. That always comes from a place of scarcity. In the "having" of it, in this case, you're hoping that’ll make you feel secure. That'll never work. Remember money's neutral. It cannot make you feel good or bad-- only your thoughts can. You've heard of stories of people who create a lot of money and they still don’t feel secure. So they create more expecting to feel secure, when they have more, but it’s never enough. This has nothing to do with the amount of money and everything to do with their thoughts about money. This is not the way I want you to have money. The point is to feel abundant and have the ability to CREATE wealth. 

Think about that 500 dollars. It’s totally up to you how you make, spend, invest and have money. But the most important thing I can teach you is to do so from a place of abundance. 

So I want you to spend time being with your money before spending or investing it.  Money’s valuable by itself— without what it can buy you or what you can use it to invest in. Learning this truth by "having” money before you decide to do anything with it, will help you create that sense of abundance.

What’s the difference between having and building wealth in your life vs. not doing so?

Most of us don’t feel comfortable  having money so we get rid of it unconsciously. You want to have a relationship with money where you value the money not just value of what it can give you. Most of us have more stuff than we have money. You can learn how to have money with just a little bit of money and then increase your capacity to have more and more. 

The key is to practice, thinking and feeing ahead of time what it is you think money will provide you. Then practice having money without spending it from a place of abundance.

It’s like you're driving around all day and your money’s in the seat next to you, all buckled up, and the two of you are singing your favorite song on the radio, laughing it up and having a good ole time. 

Sounds funny, but I’m serious. Have you ever thought about money like this? Usually you're thinking of how you'll use it when you get it, or worrying about not having it.

You have a relationship money and with everything in your life. Think about your relationship with loved ones. I doubt you'd think about them the way you think about money. "Hmmm... How can I “USE” them up as soon as I get them around?” No.

So don’t think about your relationship with money that way either. Think about spending time having your money.

If it helps imagine a large cash bill buckled into your passenger seat with big white gloves like Minnie Mouse and a cartoon smile, go for it. And be conscious about how it feels when you have money. Even if you end up using that money to pay bills or something else of your choosing, stop, pause and feel what it’s like to have it before the next step. 

Take a moment and feel what it feels like to have that money before it goes.

If you’re paying bills, think about the fact that you “have” the money to do so, and you're choosing to use your money to pay bills. You have money. You’ll get used to what it feels like to have it, vs. what you’re experience is usually like when paying bills. This is a small shift and just one of the many ways you can practice and change your mindset from scarcity to abundance with even a small amount of money. If you're just making ends meet and you do this exercise for a month— you’ll see that you’re either making more money, or spending more wisely and therefore you’ll “have”more money in 30-days. Incredible!

These are just some of the secrets to “having money.” Next week watch out for part two of “having money,” where you’ll learn how  important it is to understand the difference between spending money that gives back to you vs. spending money that depreciates immediately after you spend it. 

Ladies, the ability have money is a skill. It’s 100% learnable and your birthright. 

Let’s empower each other. Start to think about creating a loving relationship with money. Allow yourself to have it, so you don’t unconsciously get rid of it. We’re talking about money, but these skills apply to all areas of your life. 

Freaked out that you’re sabotaging your ability to “have,” money? Jump on a mini session with me and we”ll take a look at what’s holding you back. Until then peace out with your money. 

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Get some clarity and explore these questions:

  1. How do you feel about having money?

    (Do you feel guilty? Do you enjoy it?)

  2. Do you prefer to have $100 or spend $100? Why?

  3. What are you spending money on that increases the value of your life?

Have a “having fun having your money” kind of weekend. Much abundance your way.