What’s a Boundary Anyway? Know When To Set a Boundary + How To Do It From Love

What’s a Boundary Anyway? Know When To Set a Boundary + How To Do It From Love

What’s a boundary anyway?

Holiday season is among us a I can't think of a better time to talk about the importance of boundaries. A boundary is something that you set when there's been a boundary violation.

What's a boundary violation?

A boundary violation happens when someone comes into your emotional or physical space in a way that’s inappropriate. Then you need to do the work of setting a boundary for yourself.

You get to decide what's "inappropriate" for you.

The boundary is actually what you will do if someone violates you.

Love, Lovability, Family Triggers, and Turkey Day

Love, Lovability, Family Triggers, and Turkey Day

A lot of my work with clients around this time is about helping them to prep themselves to deal with family in ways that create feelings of love and peace inside — instead of mild-to-extreme angst & dread and the typical emotional hangover that lasts about a week. Have you been there? I think we all have.  

Family is a beautiful thing, but it can also be a source of emotional pain for a lot us. It’s normal. Everybody's got a little drama somewhere in their family system and that’s ok.  

Nothing’s wrong with you and it doesn’t need to be a source of shame or other terrible negative emotions either. There is another way. 

Together we’ll map out an emotional strategy for the holidays! 

Fact vs. Story = Miserable vs. Happy

Fact vs. Story = Miserable vs. Happy

Did you know that you can create your own unhappiness by how you choose to interpret the facts of your life?  

The next time you feel like crap, separate out the facts from the story. I promise using this technique will make you happier immediately. Who doesn’t want some happy?  

4 Ways to Love What You Have (Relationships, Jobs, Etc.)

4 Ways to Love What You Have (Relationships, Jobs, Etc.)

You have the option to feel any way you want at any time. Your thoughts cause your feelings, and thoughts are optional.  

You need to know this. You always have the option to feel however you choose to feel. This is always available to you. Sometimes we choose to feel sad and angry and frustrated, and that's fine. That's our choice. We can choose to feel however we want, but you have to know and remember that it is always a choice. Your choice.  

It's when we start to believe that how we feel isn't a choice that we get ourselves into trouble. We leave jobs and relationships we think we dislike only to find ourselves in a similar situation because we don’t realize this fact that we get to choose our emotions.  

What Makes a Relationship Work or Not?

What Makes a Relationship Work or Not?

Relationships are what makes the world go round.

We need love to survive. You've heard of the experiment with the monkeys where they took some of them away from their mothers and put them in a cage with a mechanical mama monkey and left another group in a cage with their real mama monkey — who loved, feed and cuddled them.

The monkeys with the mechanical mamma died.

Whoa! The conclusion was they died because they didn't get the love and connection we all need to thrive. Poor babies. I hate that they did that to the monkeys, and I hope you don't mind me sharing to illustrate this point. ❤️ 

We all have an instinct to be connected and feel love.

The Universe is Always Conspiring in Your Favor.

The Universe is Always Conspiring in Your Favor.

The universe is always conspiring in your favor.

This is a thought I use on the daily. It has changed my life. And it can change yours too. 

No matter what happens in your life. The good the bad and the ugly. The universe has your best interest at heart. 

What if that were true? How would you feel different if you believed this thought? What’re you going through right now that you could see as the universe conspiring for your highest good? 

My friend is heartbroken. 

Just a few days ago she couldn’t see how she could ever feel good about this break-up, she loved him deeply. I cried with her, hugged her tight and spent many nights with her on my terrace in France just letting her talk it all out. I listened to her stories of love, joy, hope, disappointment, misunderstanding, pain and despair.  

I watched as she moved through the waves of emotions and was struck by her ability to be brave in a dark moment.

Say Goodbye to Sandra Dee, Your Inner Good Girl

Say Goodbye to Sandra Dee, Your Inner Good Girl

Your inner good girl could use some vixen.

Would you rather live your life pleasing and being the good girl, always saying yes, when you really mean no? Kinda like Sandy’s character from “Grease.”

 It’s actually “Okay not to be Nice all the time.”

If this simultaneously shocks you, but also give you a bit of a thrill, you’re in the right place and could use a little side of vixen.

Goodbye to Sandra Dee.

Was the lesson we learned from the movie Grease? You know the classic story? If not you have to watch it immediately and report back.

It goes something like this, “Good Girl Sandra Dee” has an innocent summer beach romance with Danny. They’re torn apart at summer’s end as she's to return to Sydney. In an odd twist of fate, Sandy ends up staying and randomly shows up at the same high school as Danny. This nice girl’s shocked to learn that Danny’s the school "bad boy," as he had played it cool and “nice,” to win her over that summer.

Sex & The City vs. Fear & Anger?

Sex & The City vs. Fear & Anger?

Are you afraid of being a doormat in your relationships? 

If so, you are probably a good-hearted person who gives so much of yourself, your time and energy in your relationships. But many times, you feel resentful when you don’t get that in return. You might even feel like a doormat at times. 

How the fire of anger and resentment take over the passion you once felt in your relationship

Anger and resentment can start to build, as you try and take care of your relationship as best you know how. You become over-scheduled, depleted and maybe even a little depressed. If this sounds familiar, you’ll relate to this vignette about Sarah’s experience and find that you can make positive changes, step by step, so that you can stop losing time feeling bad in your relationships and start feeling better and more in control today.

What Do Dog Poop, Garbage, and TV Manuals Have To Do With Your Happiness?

What Do Dog Poop, Garbage, and TV Manuals Have To Do With Your Happiness?

"But it's my husband's job to clean up the dog poop and take out the garage!" Is this part of your manual for your partner too?

A "manual," is a list of expectations you have for your most prized relationships. 

People don't come with instruction manuals like new T.V.'s. But you probably don't realize you've got a "manual" for just about everyone in your life. Some manuals are pretty hefty. I know I've had a few that were too heavy to lift on my own.   

Get to know you manuals well and don't get too attached to them.

It's awesome to realize you've got a set of "manuals," because then you get to choose not to let them weigh you down. This may sound crazy at first, but when you let go of your manual you'll feel empowered!