For past few weeks, we’ve been talking about reclaiming our power in the face of tragedy, as a direct response to the threat of COVID-19. I think we could all use a mind shift toward feeling more in control during this stressful time.
Hello again! I hope you’ve been taking excellent care of your emotional health this week. Have you tried any of the techniques for embracing your feelings we chatted about last week?
One challenge we didn’t cover last week is how rumination, or the act of turning something over and over in our minds can impact our mental health. When we repeat negative thoughts in a loop, it can make us miserable.
Research has shown that there are two main causes of anxiety and depression:
1. Dwelling on negative thoughts
2. Self-criticism
Many times, the two get intertwined, where we basically talk shit to ourselves in a loop, becoming our own bullies. So it’s not always hard circumstances, like this pandemic, that cause our anxiety, but how we treat ourselves inside our minds.
How do we disrupt these patterns—retrain our minds to let things go?
First, stop and take a slow, deep breath and really feel that negative emotion caused by the beliefs and feelings. Really bring up that negative emotion.
Skip this next step if we’ve never worked together. But if you’ve worked with using Neuro Emotional Technique (NET) and I’ve taught you the technique called NET First Aid you can hold all the acupressure points on each of the wrists, one wrist at a time as you hold the emotional points on the forehead by placing your free hand open across the forehead. Then switch sides. Notice where your emotional level is between 0-to-10, 10 being the most intense and 0 no emotion or feeling neutral. As you hold the points imagine the picture in your mind of what is bothering you. Once the emotion subsides and you keeping bringing it up until you can’t anymore, or it feels significantly better and you want to move on do so. Go to the next step and add these to further retrain the brain.
Say aloud or in your mind, “STOP, STOP, STOP,” using your hands if you want for extra brain retraining (it helps you retrain the brain when you get the body involved). Start with arms by your sides, then bend your elbows so that the hands are just below your chest in front of your body, fingers spread apart, hands facing downward. Then move from this position down and back on each “STOP, STOP, STOP,” you speak aloud or to yourself. Focus on being the observer of your thoughts, instead of being your thoughts, identifying with them, or believing them as 100% truth or fact even though they may feel like it.
Then release it to your representation of love. Connect with something bigger than yourself. That can be your best friend, your grandmother, someone who’s never had anything but love for you, it can be the Universe, a religious entity you believe in and feel safe with, your loving pet, or a nature image that feels safe and loving and serene to you.
a. When I practice, this I use a tutor I once had who was the kindest person I’ve ever met and only said and acted in the most loving and positive ways. I believe she must have been an angel on earth. Every kid (and adult needs someone like Dorothy Chinichi in their lives).
b. Don’t get stuck on this part, give it some thought and try a few things out. That beautiful beach you went to on vacation, it’s ok if it morphs and changes with time and practice.
c. Through this process, we learn how to be that compassionate witness of our own experience, but it helps to connect with that representation of love, specifically for YOU whatever or whoever it is to start the process of being less harsh on ourselves.
Next, truly surrender the thoughts and feelings to your representation of love, not as a burden to them, but as if they were meant to help you by lovingly listening to you. They are accepting of your process, they do not judge it. In turn you can start to accept whatever emotions you’re having. It is what it is! And it’s all ok.
For extra strength training, as you breathe in and out and release this to your representation of love, look slightly up with a smile on your face. It’s ok even if it feels weird, awkward, or the smile feels fake, it starts a chemical process in your brain that releases feel-good chemicals. So why not?
Next, close your eyes if you feel comfortable and as long as it is safe to do so, imagine a healing light. Pick any color that resonates with you. Imagine you feel that colored energy coming up from the bottom of your feet and moving up throughout your entire body, up your legs, your abdomen, your back, your arms, your neck, face, and head. Imagine it lighting up all the cells of your body and even nine feet out to the space that surrounds your body. Finally imagine this healing light beaming out through the crown of your head and connecting with the sky. It can be any color, gold, yellow, rainbow, white, blue, violet, you name it.
As you do this try replace the repetitive thoughts/beliefs or feelings with another more positive thought, set of thoughts/beliefs or feelings that you can repeat—like a mantra or positive affirmation. Say the new thought, belief, or mantra aloud over and over as you fill your body with this light. Try to attach a positive emotion to the new thought. The combination of the two plus the color can really cement the new way of thinking.
Then say, “Yep, I did it!” You can hug yourself, give yourself a pat on the back, or give your heart a rub.
Then go back into the negative emotion and repeat all of the above steps for about 10-15 minutes. You will be amazed at how much better you feel, if not totally resolved for the day regarding this issue. This has the long-term impact of retraining your brain and creating new neural pathways and new ways of experiencing the world. Most of the time we are stuck in old programs and patterns of thinking it is from childhood or traumatic difficult events in our lives that serve to keep us stuck. This will help you release your retraining powers and is seriously one of the most powerful tools for natural change that I can teach you. You are welcome! 😉
When you feel done or 15 minutes have passed. Allow yourself one final letting go. Slowly open your eyes, and gently ease back into your day or night.
If you’re still uneasy emotionally, or are pressed for time to do the above steps because you’re taking care of kiddos nonstop and without help, or you’re a front-line worker, whatever the circumstance let’s try pivoting—
We can retrain our minds to shift perspective—to create an entirely new picture of what’s going on. Step back or up as if you are looking down from a mountain onto a valley (or take in the view from above) to the 10,000- or 30,000-foot view and ask yourself how you can grow in this moment. Where’s the silver lining here? Write each thing down, and then ask what’s next? What’s next?
Write down at least 10-20 things. It doesn’t matter how big or small each item represents, it still counts. Examples can be: I get more alone time, I get more family time, I get to learn something new, I get to be creative about my exercise, I get to try new things, I can take this time to learn how to cook, or do things I didn’t have time for even if I’m busier now, etc., try and not allow boredom you can always do things of interest or just relax.
“Relaxing is doing something,” a wise woman reminded me this week.
I had to think for a minute and then “oh yes” it dawned on me what she meant. I had to laugh, as I teach this stuff, but so crazy is our productivity based mind and lifestyle that we do need reminding. So, don’t worry! You can feel better and you can change what you want when you want to.
Final step: repeat, rinse, repeat! Practicing new, more hopeful thoughts over and over will create new neural pathways in the brain, and they will infiltrate themselves just as well as the old, negative ones have in the past, and the new ones will become your new normal.
Do get help if you are confused about any of these steps and want me to walk you through it as your therapist or coach. I’m happy to work with you on how to consistently keep this up and other tools to retrain problem areas in your life stemming from old programming.
Give these tricks a try this week if you find yourself dwelling on our most pressing crisis, the fallout from COVID-19, or any other negative life circumstance. Because—let’s be real—life has continued to offer up all manner of challenges above and beyond the pandemic. It can be exhausting and that’s ok, “this too shall pass.” In the meantime, take some time to implement these skills, so you feel better now, and soar when the COVID days are a thing of the past. That day will come!
All my love to you all, my amazing tribe.
I only have one spot left in my practice at the moment. So please let me know asap if you are interested in a mini session. I am in the process of going to a full waitlist here, but as people graduate here and there, I have openings. Soon it will be all waitlisted. I’d love to work with you if you’ve been thinking about it. I know I can really help. Connect here for a mini session spot or if none are open leave me a message here and I’ll do my best to fit you in. All sorts of love to you in this special time on earth. I am pulling for you and yours. You matter. Take care of you right now, you are worth it! You can decide you’re worthy right now and never look back!
