This is part 2 in a series where we’re getting back to basics. We’re taking the next step after our last post where the focus was on reviewing the CTFAR Model and practicing it a bit. I hope it wasn’t too painful, because this week is all about more practice, because we all know what they say about it!

So where were we? Ah, yes—the uselessness of worrying ahead of time. We all do it, and it predictably wastes both time and energy.

However, if you feel you must, go ahead and imagine your worst fear about the relationship, go ahead. Conjure the absolute nightmare scenario!

Why? Because it gives you the space to fully explore the awful idea ahead of time so you can try to change your thinking around it. Sometimes this line of thought is easier to do once you’ve explored the worst and the best of all scenarios.

For more real-world application of this work, I’d like to think of a circumstance/ situation in your past that you’d like to reframe a bit. It can be anything you want—loss of a job, a death, illness, depression, anxiety, stuff about your kids…you name it.

Before you begin, try to internalize that it is your right to rewrite/reshape those circumstances to understand them and how they’ve helped in your evolution. The past is OVER, and you get to choose what you think about it now. Reliving the pain and fear from back then is holding you back.

Try these exercises out this week and see what you think:

Write a letter to your past self using the format below. This is a tool for uncovering negative thought patterns and beliefs. Be willing to allow emotions to surface.
I'm angry because...
I'm sad because...
I wish...
I'm sorry that…
I love you because...
What do you want to tell yourself about this letter? How do you wish it could be rewritten or reframed?
What parts of the letter can you hold onto? What feels powerful or accomplished in it?
What would you like to let go?