Are you anxious? Even on and off? As long as you’re human, and I know you are, then the answer’s yes and it’s ok to admit to it. In fact, it’s healthy to acknowledge, instead of resisting feelings. Your brain’s function as an organ is to keep you safe from threats and danger. So again, it would be weird if you didn’t feel anxious. Everyone is feeling it, so let’s talk about what to do about it.
These are intense times, my dear.
COVID-19’s created a situation in which none of us have ever experienced before.
Of course, we’re uncertain, and our minds love the comfort of the familiar. This disrupts the brain’s autopilot and we get signals saying “danger danger, you must be afraid.” So it’s not your fault that you’re fearful, it means your brain’s doing its job. But how do you manage a healthy sense of fear that enables you to calmly check the latest updates, make a safety plan for yourself and your loved ones, and get on with life without it turning into full-blown anxiety and panic?
A different life goes on with the Coronavirus, as we all adjust to a new way of being for an unknown amount of time.
Adjustments and transitions (even the good ones like getting married or getting a job promotion, etc.) cause stress. The part of the brain that’s in charge of survival doesn’t know the difference between good and bad stress because its job’s to conserve energy at all costs— meaning it’s happy if you never try anything new! Which is a bummer when you want to start a new business or create a piece of art because you’ve got to overcome that survival brain. Which literally tells you this could be life or death. Even when it’s not.
Is it starting to make sense why you may be feeling resistance to all these changes, and fear for your life even if you have taken all necessary precautions and it’s likely you’ll remain healthy?
Even when good stress comes along, like falling in love, your brain signals, “careful this is all new you could die.” Maybe that’s why it’s called “falling” in love because if you feel like you are failing your instincts are to do whatever it takes to avoid getting hurt. Love feels good, but falling doesn’t.
Limit the news and social media now! You can still stay aware and responsible.
A lot of you are telling me that you can’t escape the news cycle for anything.
In my sessions, this week I’ve heard a lot of, “I try to limit my time on watching the news or social media by stepping away from my cell phone, etc., but I find myself picking it back up again over and over. And then my fear spikes.”
Is this happening to you too? I’m sure. For one, we do need to stay up-to-date with what’s happening to stay aware of the necessary steps and precautions that need to be taken. But staying aware is much different than watching the news, or being on social media like you would binge-watch your favorite show, right?
Luckily, I’m personally and purposefully not a big news watcher, as I don’t like the morbid sense of sensationalism the media seems to create with even mundane things, let alone an actual world pandemic. Right now I prefer to check maximum once or twice a day for a limited time—sources like the Center for Disease Control (CDC) and The World Health Organization (WHO).
I’ve helped clients make plans to literally replace television news altogether with laugh out loud shows like “The Office,” which I’ve heard was the #1 streamed show in the last month. Who knew?
I’ve heard, “I’m worried for everyone I love in NYC, my family members who are healthcare professionals, my aging parents, myself—as I have underlying health issues…” and the list goes on what we are worried about… I get worried about these kinds of things at times too. But we’ve gotta practice controlling what we can and accepting what we cannot.
Honestly, there’s gonna be some grief we’ll experience during this time, such as sadness, anger, denial of what is, wishing it were different, and moments of acceptance.
But practicing being in acceptance is the best medicine because denying what is, just means that we compound the negative emotions we’re experiencing. That leaves one vulnerable to long-lasting anxiety, depression and extreme overwhelm and confusion. What good does that do in a crisis? It doesn’t.
So I’ll ask you the hard questions like “How does all this fretting benefit you?” Does it serve a purpose? The answer is always, “no it doesn’t benefit me.” How hard is it on your mind body and spirit to spend days on end for weeks (or possibly months) twisted up with anxiety? It doesn’t.
Runaway anxiety can be as toxic as Coronavirus, actually, so it’s important we control what we can, which is why we decide ON PURPOSE how we want to THINK and FEEL about what’s going on around us.
Focus on useful thoughts and create results in your life that you want, not on things you have no control over. This is not a time to judge yourself or go into survivors’ guilt mode either. You can be thankful that your life’s the way it is, and still have fears, even if you think others are suffering more than you.
Again, you have a human brain, and part of why you’ll feel what you feel is because it is part of the survival mechanism that’s built into every human brain. You can’t get rid of that part but you can talk to it, and thank it for doing its job, and tell it that there’s no need to worry or feel guilty at this time. How about changing thoughts towards love over fear? Self-compassion included.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family and to a professional, by now you know it’s not you, it’s the function of your brain that makes this hard, and you may just need to teach it some skills so it can calm down and do life in a way that feels better even under these circumstances.
A good friend wrote to me, “I saw this poem online a few weeks ago, just after it was written, and it blew me away…”
Pandemic
What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love–
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
–Lynn Ungar 3/11/20
She said after reading it, “I started trying to notice my fears and anxieties more often, to acknowledge their presence, to pause and allow them to flow through me. They’re normal, they are valid, they are totally OK. And my mind is going to return to them over and over at this time, because—well, it’s a freaking global pandemic. We’re all going through it.”
Absolutely, my friend, I’m sending you love. And all of you love too.
Here’s an exercise I’ve been teaching to reduce anxiety and accept fear:
STEP 1: ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEAR
Sit with it for several minutes and allow space for it. Know that it’s normal.
STEP 2: GRATITUDE
Write down 5 things you’re grateful for today, even in all the COVID chaos. Avoid comparing your life with others and feeling guilty or self-pity, it serves no useful purpose. Instead, be compassionate with yourself for having these emotions, allow them space to flow through you. No emotion is bad, it just a signal to your brain to pay attention to something. You can use the signals to remember that ultimately YOU and your conscious brain (not your survival brain) get to decide what’s useful to think and feel during this time. FInally if you like your reason for thinking and feeling that way, run with it.
For example, many of you are worried about family and friends. Maybe you wish they would be safer or stop working if they still are. But they're not listening. I mean even if you physically tried to restrain them (AND I AM NOT ADVOCATING FOR THAT) and make them bend to your will because you are just sure you know this is better for them they still wouldn’t. Then what do you do? One way is you express your concern, you say your piece once, maybe even every day if you feel like it and then decide you won’t worry unless you know there’s something really worth worrying over. It’s natural to worry about those you love, but let’s take away the unnecessary pain of that worry. A little worry, ok, take necessary actions, ok, then let it go, darling.
Plus, I’ve got some good sats for you 85 Percent of What We Worry About Never Happens!
Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: "My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened." Now there's a study that proves it. This study looked into how many of our imagined calamities never materialize.
STEP 3: CHOOSE LOVE OVER FEAR
Instead of focusing on your anxieties, give yourself some much needed TLC, the ways in which you can take care of you while loving others too are endless, but here are some reminders of both: take a bath, Spark JOY, reach out to a loved one via video, write someone a postcard or letter, listen to music you’ve always loved but haven’t played in a very long time, call someone who’s quarantining alone and check-in on them, laugh for no reason for 5 minutes, read funny novels, watch funny shows, draw, paint, dance, play the guitar that’s been sitting in your living room that you never learned how to play, you can learn anything on you-tube, do something creative.
Even if you have limited time because you’re working from home or working from home and caring for your kiddos at the same time, take 5 minutes at the very minimum and do something little each day. THE more the better you’ve filled up your energy envelope.
STEP 4: TAKE CARE OF YOUR MIND-BODY-SPIRIT
Excess stress certainly needs an outlet, so make sure to move your body daily if you don’t have health restrictions. Even if that means walking around in your apartment, or investing in some exercise equipment if you don’t have any. Get outside in the sun and/or in nature if possible or sit or work by a window (obviously while respecting physical-distancing other guidelines). Do some yoga or Qi-Gong or mini trampoline rebounder exercises (my top 3 favs right now), pole dance in your living room. Whatever you can do to offset stress in your body is invaluable. Eat healthy, sleep well, meditate, pray, journal. This will boost your mood and your immunity and lift your spirit.
STEP 5: SUMMON YOUR COURAGE
This will not last forever. Take comfort in that. These times are scary and uncertain, and we’re going to have to learn to flow with that—even though it’s difficult.
You are tougher than you think, and we will reach a time when things are safer for all of us. And we will celebrate and appreciate each other more than ever before once we get to that new place.
Just hold on, take it day by day, and make longer-term self-care plans.
Stay safe and healthy and practice love over fear.
This week on a mini session Shawna needed help to unwind the anxiety she'd been facing alone in Los Angeles with her family so far away. She didn't know how she could stop checking her phone and the television and she was breaking out in hives she was so stressed, she also noticed she was eating and drinking more than usual and felt she was spiraling.
How do you want to feel going through this pandemic?
She was surprised by her response and even more so about the self-care plan we came up with together after she realized the big source of her anxiety was subconscious thoughts she needed to get out with the help of an expert. That is just what I’m trained and got loads of experience doing my friends. Feeling overwhelmed or alone in this? Jump on a mini session and I'll be there to guide you through this. You are not alone.
