This is part 3in the Indulgent Emotions series.
Wrapping-up our 3-part series on indulgent emotions, so far we’ve covered doubt/comfort (Part 1) and tired/busy (Part 2), and now we’re on to the ever-tricky procrastination and boredom.
Now, please stay with me here. I need you to pretend, just for now, that procrastination and boredom are feelings. I know they’re not really feelings but actions. But it can be powerful to think of them in this way.
Procrastination
How does it feel when you procrastinate? Can you tie some real emotions to it? Is there fear, anxiety, avoidance? What’s at the heart of it?
A few years ago, I did a whole series on time management, based on teachings by Brian Tracy in Eat That Frog! His metaphor is simple: if you have a list of stuff to do, “eat the frog” first.
This means start with the hardest thing—the thing you’d rather not do, the thing you’ve been putting off. Otherwise, you’re indulging in procrastination, and it doesn’t offer any real relief. The “frog” will just be there, reminding you of what you’re avoiding. It’s going to hang over and nag at you.
We do this because there’s a payoff—we get to stay comfy where we are. Those moments are when we say to ourselves things like…
I’m going to put that on the backburner.
I’ll do that after I get all these other things done.
I’m not ready to tackle that one yet.
In these moments, we get an immediate “hit” in our pleasure centers. The temporary relief we get when do this feels so good, but the feeling fades so quickly. And we can still feel the looming tasks over our shoulders.
But what if made it a habit to tackle the hardest things first each day?
Your days would feel more like coasting downhill than climbing up one. Try it and see!
Boredom
Another indulgent emotion (that’s not really an emotion) I see a lot, especially in younger people, is boredom. Now this one perplexes me.
There’s really no upside to feeling bored. Instead of getting up and making something happen, creating something to do, we revel in that feeling of monotony and boredom. If we just claim boredom, we can abdicate all personal responsibility. It gives us a reason not to step into our own power or authentic selves.
If we want that power and authenticity, we must train ourselves to get uncomfortable. We can absolutely do hard things!
We can grow and care for ourselves and others. We can get out of our own way and chose things that ultimately better serve us.
Go over the feelings you have most often during the day. Are they the ones that will get you the results you want? If you have indulgent feelings, ask yourself why. What are the thoughts that are creating those indulgent feelings?
Thought Model
Remember, the thought model, taught to me by one of my teachers, Brooke Castillo.
Model template
C: Circumstances: the things that happen in your life that can trigger thoughts. Circumstances are neutral until we attach a thought to them.
T: Thoughts: are optional and create our feelings
F: Feelings: drive our actions or lack thereof,
A: Actions: we take or do not take create our results, are your actions all in until you create your results, do you have little quits here and there, or big quits that keep you from getting the results you want?
R: Results: what happens in YOUR life as a result of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and prove your thinking true.
Example Model
The following is a real example of a model that fits for many of the clients I have worked with in starting their businesses. You can insert any circumstance or thought you are having that is creating avoidance in a dream or goal that you have.
C: Desire to start my own business
T: It’s not a good time to start a business
F: avoidance
A: procrastinate, ruminate about it, look for all the reasons why now is not a good time
R: Business is not started, nothing has changed
In this case, when a client thinks and believes the thought, “It’s not a good time to start a business,” she doesn’t start her business. So, the result in her life is she has no business. But she has been looking for evidence to prove her belief that “It is not a good time to start a business,” and finding the reasons, right? If we believe now is not a good time we can always make an argument for why that is true and find reasons, and stall on our dreams. But if we understand the model and indulgent feelings and emotions then we can switch up our models to create what it is that we want.
Reframing the Example Model
For example, she could just as easily believe, “It’s a good time to start a business,” creating the motivation that drives the actions for her to start a business. The result would be she has a business.
Check out how the model changes:
C: Desire to start my own business
T: It’s as good a time as any right now to start a business
F: motivation
A: take massive action to start a business, do not give up until the actions produce the results I want, make a list of things I need to do and put them on my calendar, stay committed to my calendar, make time for research, make time to learn marketing, make time to hire help, and financially prepare, do regular thought work to ensure my mind is clear and ready, willing and able to stay on track
R: I start my business-- and prove to myself the thought that it is as good a time as any to start my business.
So the moral of the story is, identify when you are stuck in indulgent feelings and emotions that cause you to spin your wheels, get stuck, and not take action on your dreams and goals. You deserve not to delay any longer, unless you like your reason for doing so. Learn to differentiate between excuses and indulgent emotions and actually liking the reason you are putting your dream off. Maybe you are moving, recovering from surgery, or having a child, etc. Do you like that reason for putting off your dreams, ok then tell yourself the truth and come up with a timeframe within which you will attend to your goals and dreams?
Because you can have the life that you want and you can create that life for yourself.
Manage your mind and your thoughts and feeling, and take action on your dreams. No one will do it for you. You can do it! If you need help with this and you would like to work together please get on the waiting list. First come first serve. I would love to help if you are highly motivated. Let’s do this.
To wrap it up, can you find a way to get comfortable with being uncomfortable? Make some peace with yourself?
My challenge to you, these past few weeks has been to consistently ask yourself where you’re indulging. What emotions are you feeling over and over again? What emotions aren’t serving you? Check each day. What are your top 3?
How about the one that gives you the most trouble? Are you willing to let that one go and create another thought/emotion that’ll help you get where you want to go?
