Have the Confidence to Set Boundaries and Be Assertive
Last week on the blog we talked about patience and allowing space for change, but we all know that sometimes no amount of waiting and hoping will work. We know deep in our gut when lines have been crossed, and when certain behavior is unacceptable to us, we must create firm boundaries.
We can use the self-care and affirmations we’ve talked about before to gather our strength to push back. We can be loving, kind, and clearly get our points across if we are deliberate.
First, know that you are beyond worthy. You deserve to feel good in your most intimate relationships, and you can have good things.
Biting your tongue, ignoring problematic behavior, and hiding from the hard conversations will only erode your self-confidence and self-esteem. Playing small never brings true connection and contentment.
Before you confront your partner and draw your line in the sand, make sure you’ve decided your method—letter, in-person convo, phone convo, etc. There are pros and cons for each way, and only you can decide what will work best for you and yours.
It’s also important to know what specific issue you will address.
Otherwise, it can become a vague attack—like a venting session—without clear next steps.
Will there be consequences for crossing your boundary? Will you tell them your relationship is over if they don’t make certain changes? If not, make sure you know what the result will be so you can communicate it.
During the conversation, make sure to add in praise and appreciation for good things so it feels less like an attack. It’s the old sandwich approach—praise/criticism/praise.
Also, try to always use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For example, you could say this rather than that:
✅ I feel disrespected when you come home late without calling. I stay up and worry, and it’s affecting my sleep.
❌ You always stay out partying and never call. You make me lose so much sleep!
Be prepared that your partner will react in some way.
It could be with defensiveness, silence, shock, anger, violence, begging, pleading, kindness, regret…and all of that has nothing to do with you. Be firm and stand your ground!
We all have free will, and they may not respond the way you would hope, but being clear in what you will and will not accept gives you the satisfaction of being true to yourself and your desires. You are resilient and strong, and you deserve the life and relationships you want.
