Several weeks back we talked about “how to eat an elephant”…or how to face overwhelming tasks one piece or “bite” at a time. We pulled up to the table, put on our bibs, grabbed our utensils, and decided to start eating, no matter how long it would take…
But then, several weeks went by, we got distracted, moved onto other projects, decided we weren’t hungry…
And now, here we sit, staring down 2020 with a big elephant in the room, having only taken a few bites.
Is that how things went for you?
Hopefully, I’m wrong, and you’re chomping your way through your big project, with maybe only half an elephant left to eat—or maybe you went totally nuts and knocked-out the whole thing over the past 10 weeks or so. Good for you either way because it’s all about learning and in the process learning to love yourself with the things you judge as good or bad.
Wherever you are, it’s ok. There’s no time like the present to check-in with yourself and start again. Is your elephant still the one you want? Have your goals/dreams shifted? Totally normal!
What big, scary thing are you facing right now, as we head into the end-of-year holidays and a new decade?
First, obviously, we need to break that down into manageable, bite-sized pieces, but then the hard part—we need to hold ourselves accountable without judgment.
Calendar check-ins with yourself and your elephant:
Have I taken at least one bite today?
What progress did I make this week?
How big of dent did I make this month?
Because if you fail to circle back and follow-through, you may find that the elephant just stays around and becomes part of the décor. And elephants are cute, but maybe not that cute when it comes to your dreams and aspirations.
By the way for a feel-good movie, if you really love elephants, or even if you don’t this movie may change your mind, “Holiday in the Wild,” on Netflix. I adored this movie. I love elephants. I was even one for Halloween one year…. Here’s a picture, dare I share. Btw, my mom made me pose… did your mom do that to you too? Ugh! Lol, but now I am happy for the picture. Thanks, mom!
In a mini session this week, Jackie (we'll call her for confidentiality purposes), understood in just 30 minutes how she could work on her relationship with her husband on her own, without burden, but with empowerment. Did you know that you can be the one to bring the two of you closer? We identified how her brain had been collecting evidence for all the ways her husband didn't want to work on their relationship with her. When I asked her for "opposite evidence," of how he did show he was interested in making their relationship great she was floored. She said, "my mind just exploded, I'd never seen it before." I explained, this is what our brains do, they go to the negative 9 times out of 10 because of how we're wired for survival. But we can change all of that and create the results we want in ourselves and in our relationships if we learn the tools.
So now just before the holidays and the new year, she has concrete tools to work on creating the loving relationship she wants without needing to GET cooperation from her husband to do so. He doesn't have to agree to go to therapy, see a coach, or be more attuned to her feelings and needs. The crazy fun thing is when you do this work, you feel different and so does your partner and often times they start doing the things you desperately wished they would do, without you feeling like you've nagged them into it, or they're doing it to please you but holding onto resentments.
Did you know that you can feel however it is you want to feel, no matter how your partner is behaving, stressed, bummed, quiet, cold, overly in your space? I'm telling you, you can! The way you think, the feelings you generate and a good dose of boundaries tailored specifically to you help you do just that. Jump on a mini session consult and I'll help you turn the end of 2019 into the time when your mind exploded with hope and empowerment and started your path to the connection and intimacy that you've always dreamed of.
