Now that we’ve had an introduction to how we can singlehandedly improve any relationship, and had a vacation from nagging, we’re ready to move to the next step. For the next two weeks, we’re going to talk about ANGER.
So how was your complaint-free week? Were you able to refrain from complaining? Did you notice any changes while your mind was open, but your mouth was shut?
How are you feeling? Are you mad? I bet anything that you’re PISSED.
It may be tough to admit, but staying quiet, stuffing down those complaints, and “letting things go” probably made you mad. And you may still be mad!
So what do we do with all that anger?
Anger is a natural, regular occurrence, and it’s helpful to recognize that it’s just energy. It’s a physical response in the body that comes and goes, and the ways we manage the experience makes all the difference.
How do you typically handle your anger when it arises? Do you hide it, seething in secret? Do you explode, yelling at anything and everyone?
Most of us fall on a spectrum closer to one of these or the other. If you usually bury your rage, the goal is to start expressing more. If you are a ticking rage bomb, the goal would be to move toward more healthy expressions of your anger.
For those that hide when they’re mad, anger usually shows up as hurt feelings and sadness. Chronic depression is many times linked to trapped resentment and rage.
Many of us were taught it isn’t polite to get mad, and we’re often afraid to show our true feelings. We may minimize our emotions, “cave in”, or do anything to avoid confrontation. It’s just too scary!
But it’s important that we allow ourselves to feel our angry feelings and let them flow. Here are some ways we can express our anger:
Write a letter to someone you’re mad at—list everything that’s hurt you and made you resentful. It doesn’t matter if you ever let anyone else read this letter or not. It is for you. Record whatever you need to, and notice your feelings (and sensations in your body) as you write.
Ask a good friend to meet you for a venting session. Make sure it’s ok with your friend, and then just let loose. Tell your friend everything you wish you could say to the other person. Feel the fire in your belly as you let it all out!
Get physical. Sometimes we just need to DO SOMETHING to let our rage out. Take a kickboxing class, punch a pillow, run until you can’t run anymore. Getting your endorphins going and letting extreme energy move through you is quite therapeutic.
Try some of these techniques this week if you find yourself hiding or holding in your emotions, and next week we’ll turn to “the exploders”—those of us who lean toward the expressive side of the spectrum. We’ll talk about ways to harness energy and let anger move through us without hurting ourselves or anyone else.
