Tiffany Goyer, MA, RYT, merges her vast education and experience as a life Coach, Therapist, Counselor, Practitioner of Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET) and study of Yoga therapy to bring together a wealth of healing modalities to synchronize the body, mind and spirit.
Rounding out our Weigh it Out series is part 4 focusing on self care—I’m not talking about lotions, potions, serums, hot tea, pedicures, and bubble baths. While those things have their place, the bottom line is that many of us treat ourselves terribly, and we can absolutely do better.
We may treat ourselves poorly by eating junk, wearing old/frumpy clothes, refusing to look at our bodies in the mirror, or saying mean things to ourselves. And this needs to change.
One of my mentors, Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School, taught me one of the strangest and most powerful concepts ever—that relationships are just thoughts we have in our brains.
Say what, now?
Yep! They exist, surely—but ALL of our varied relationships in the world are simply *our thoughts* about other people.
Do you know the secret to making your dreams a reality? It's time to start playing pretend again. We had it right as kids! In order to live the life you dream of, you have to start believing new things. And to believe new things you need to play pretend but it’s a bit trickier for our adult brains that it was for our kid brains.
Did you know you can believe anything you want? Don’t let your thoughts hold you back from what you really want. Ask yourself, what do you want to believe? How do you want to imagine your life? When you work through the steps in this post, you can achieve a massive change in your life, just by thinking new things.
In order to be more productive with my time, watching out for which type of self talk I'm using is a game changer. For example, last night I chose to massively clean my closet, including changing out seasonal clothing, rather than do a few key things I really needed to do. I knew exactly what I was doing, too: a classic case of procrastination.
What was facing me was challenging, and I knew the project would take a good bit of time, so I let my brain tell me stories…
The truth is that no one is responsible for how you feel and the results you get. If you want to feel happy, confident, loving or whatever other emotion you desire to feel on the regular – it's available to you.
Same goes with results. Maybe you want to make 100K in your business or even a million. Or is it to find the love of your life or be in the best health of your life?
It's all up to you. It's based on the simple formula called the model. Everything in life fits into the model. But you have to practice it to really apply it to your life.
Math vs. Mind Drama
For example, let’s say you want to make 200 K. That’s the math of the equation.
Everything else is mind drama. Mind drama includes doubts about your capabilities, the “how,” of how you will go about making that 200 K and all your other beliefs surrounding making the 200 K. All of these beliefs really have nothing to do with making the 200 K.
How do you interpret your past?
Your past is anything that’s happened up until this very moment. Be clear that all the things you’ve EVER done or not done is what you’ll use to define who you are.
So, as this year wraps up. I wanted to help you say goodbye to the past you, the parts you didn’t like, in order to get focused on what you want to create in the New Year.
It’s important to have rituals that support you when there’s a marker in time, so you can look at this last year and how you can learn from it, make adjustments, and move on. Please don’t dwell on what you aren’t happy about. That just won’t serve you and there’s no need to bring that into the New Year into the new you.
These skills I will teach you here are important because you’ll learn how to define yourself by your future, instead of your past.
The next few writings you’ll receive from me are going to get you ready to have the best year of your life so far. So keep reading and stay tuned for next week.
You have the option to feel any way you want at any time. Your thoughts cause your feelings, and thoughts are optional.
You need to know this. You always have the option to feel however you choose to feel. This is always available to you. Sometimes we choose to feel sad and angry and frustrated, and that's fine. That's our choice. We can choose to feel however we want, but you have to know and remember that it is always a choice. Your choice.
It's when we start to believe that how we feel isn't a choice that we get ourselves into trouble. We leave jobs and relationships we think we dislike only to find ourselves in a similar situation because we don’t realize this fact that we get to choose our emotions.
Don't stop because of self doubt. Ever. It’s a lie. Made up by the oldest part of your brain, the reptilian brain to try and keep you safe. It’s on high alert, but you don’t need to be when it comes to believing in yourself.
Many of my clients are already very very successful people, though they may try and be modest about it if you asked them... but each time they want to grow and evolve they have to deal with self-doubt. Of course, I do too. And a couple of points here...
Our mind is an interesting thing. When we are young our minds are in a completely different brainwave state than when we are adults.
So until about the age of 7 or 8 years old, we download all the things that are our experiences in life and this helps to shape our personality and understand all the stimuli of life that comes our way. If our minds didn’t work like this we would be like infants all of our lives, literally seeing things for the first time ALL the time and as you can imagine we would not be able to function as adults. This does not mean our minds are set in stone because of our previous programming.
But if you are not aware of this phenomenon you might repeat realities from the past or unhealthily blame your parents or your current partners in relationships for “triggering you,” to respond in whatever way you are conditioned to do.
Reprogramming your brain. Most of my clients have a strong inner critic. We work together to create a new dialogue because usually the one that we have is unconscious. You already know that you can choose your thoughts. So why not get really clear about what you want to reprogram yourself.
Most of us have an unconscious script that plays in the background of our days. I always think of this as the thoughts below the surface of your thoughts you have about your day and the tasks at hand.
